Ouch Quiz December 2011
bbc.co.uk/ouch/podcast

Presented by Rob Crossan

	[Jingle: It's the BBC Ouch Christmas Quiz with Rob Crossan]	
rob	Hello. Welcome to our annual festive show. It's our disability themed quiz. You probably want to turn over now don't you - well don't, stick with this it's more fun than you might imagine it could be. We've got some mince pies, some lovely drinks and two Ouch Show Talk favourites. Sitting furthest away from me is the world's number one thalidomide Elvis impersonator, he refuses to move to New York full time and let take over the Ouch Talk Show all to myself creating an atmosphere of bad feeling and resentment for everyone, it's Mat Fraser. How are you Mat?	
mat	I'm very good, thank you very much. 	
rob	And nearest to me, she's pale, she's frail and she's married to a female it's Liz Carr. How are you Liz? 	
liz	Love it. Like a bit of rhyme. 	
rob	Good. So finally we'll get to see how much they know about the subject they're supposed to know so much about. And it's all very simple. For each question you get right you get two points. If the question is passed over to the other side and I'm not talking about the other side that Terry Pratchett is keen to have the rights to disappear off to, then a correct answer will get you one point. And here to help me keep score is Paralympic sports favourite Tony Garrett who promises to do his best enthusiastic BBC 5Live sports presenter voice, isn't that right, Tony?	
tony	Absolutely correct. 	
rob	Mat, are you urinating into a cup? 	
mat	No as you very know I'm pouring a little bit more Christmas punch into my Styrofoam cup.  	
rob	Oh the Christmas punch yeah, it's a bit watery this year. 	
mat	 It's a little bit! 	
rob	It's very much like water. 	
mat	Like the air pies we're eating. 	
rob	So listen there's three rounds, let's start off with round one, our classic Christmas round. How can you possibly have Christmas without a bit of philanthropic kindness towards your fellow humble orphan pensioner or disabled person? If we crips don't embody the true meaning of Christmas then I don't know what does. So I'm going to do it in turns and the first question is to you Liz Carr. 1934 saw the first annual Christmas broadcast for children's charities on the BBC given by a 'Children's Hour' presenter Uncle Mac. This later developed into which enduring annual telethon event at the corporation which has since slipped back into November. 	
liz	It's got to be the annual classic that is 'Children in Need'.	
rob	Correct.	
liz	It really goes back that far? 	
rob	To 1934. 	
liz	I'm stunned! I didn't know Terry Wogan was that old. 	
rob	Two points to Liz. So Mat Fraser question number two. Terry Wogan presented the first proper 'Children in Need' as we kind of know it now aided by Sue Lawley and Esther Rantzen in 1980 but in what year did the charity's mascot, Pudsey Bear appear?	
mat	Pudsey, Pudsey, Pudsey well he's been through several incarnations hasn't he. He's been getting more and more glamorous as the years have gone on. Now he's an ice-skating three dimensional figure. Was it 1992?	
rob	I'm afraid not, Mat. 1992 is incorrect so I'm going to throw it over to Liz for the chance to gain one point. Liz, have you got any ideas as to what year Pudsey Bear first appeared on 'Children in Need'?	
liz	By your reaction I think it's earlier than that. And by the fact that doesn't he have like a thing over his eyes?	
mat	Ah that's so sad.	
rob	He has a red and white spotted... no a red and white spotty patch. 	
liz	Exactly. And spots were very big in the '80s as those of us that had fashion disasters would know. So I'm going to say '87?	
rob	So close, so close but I'm afraid you're both wrong the answer is 1986. Pudsey named after the town in Yorkshire was only intended to be there for one year. Viewers apparently took him to their hearts and so here we are now. He's even got a girlfriend called Blush, and along the way Sooty and Harry Corbett have also been presenters. So, Liz, question three: God bless us everyone it's the obligatory Tiny Tim question. 	
Liz	Yea! 	
rob	You knew it was coming. The little cripple child in Dicken's 'A Christmas Carol' but what is the name of his Dad?	
liz	Is it Bob Scratchit or Cratchit? 	
rob	Yes you're in.  Two points, yes indeed. Bob was the long suffering employee of Ebenezer Scrooge. When the ghost of Christmas yet to come visited the old miser he foretold that Tim did not have long to live. An American academic in 1992 attempted to diagnose what was actually wrong with Tim based on the details in the book. He suggested distal renal tubular acidosis, a kidney disorder which makes your blood too acidic. At the end of the tale it was said Ebenezer acted like a second father to Tim after his dream induced epiphany.  	
liz	I can't believe somebody's actually researched that. 	
rob	An academic. 	
liz	Do you know what I mean? Wow!	
mat	So it was acidic blood all that time?	
rob	All that time. So yes it was Bob Chatchit, Ebenezer Scrooge's long suffering clerk. Also Bob Chatchit I should point out was played by Mickey Mouse and undoubtedly the most memorable adaptation of the Dicken's novella and Tiny Tim was played on that occasion by Mickey's nephew Morty Mouse. 	
liz	No I disagree I think that the most memorable adaptation was The Muppets. 	
rob	Oh yes with Sir Michael Caine. 	
liz	Was that... yes absolutely it was wasn't it?	
mat	The Muppets do everything best. 	
rob	Question number four. Mat, Bertha Plummer is a Dicken's Christmas character you may not be so aware of, she's blind and her poor toymaker father, Caleb, led her to believe they were living a life of luxury. How would she know better, she was stricken sightless after all? But what was the name of then very popular tale that our blind heroin Bertha appeared in? It's a tough one.	
mat	Why have I got the really hard questions? 	
liz	I don't know what I mean? 	
rob	What do you mean you don't know what I mean?	
mat	Oh hello. It's another stitch up Mat quiz. Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of bum frankly. 	
liz	Merry Christmas!	
mat	I've no idea, Rob.	
rob	Liz, would you like to hazard a guess at that? 	
mat	Oh yes, what do you know, Liz might know it. 	
liz	Ooh! 	
rob	I love the fact you're doing this in the real spirit of Christmas, just a bit of fun. I can see him grinding his teeth. 	
mat	Come on, Liz. 	
rob	Any ideas Liz? I don't think we're going to get it. 	
mat	What does it say in your notes?	
liz	'The Old Curiosity Shop'. 	
rob	No it's not. The answer is 'The Cricket on the Hearth'. One of many less successful Christmas stories, and when I say less successful I mean really not successful at all. 	
mat	No. 	
rob	No-one's heard of it.	
mat	And she would have known she was poor because of the smells. 	
rob	Exactly. And they were living in squalor. 	
mat	Yeah. 	
rob	Yeah. Published in 1845 two years after 'The Christmas Carol' so this is obviously the sort of difficult second album follow up. 	
mat	Second album yeah. 	
rob	Other Christmas stories by Dickens include 'The Haunted Man' - never heard of it, 'The Chimes', 'The Holly Tree' and 'Battle of Life' - the titles just get worse and worse don't they?	
mat	It's monkey tennis afterwards. 	
rob	So in 2012 in a suitable degree of gravitas and respect as we've all been showing just now, we'll be celebrating the 200 anniversary of Charles Dickens' birth. I didn't know he had such a career decline though in terms of festive tales. 	
mat	No it's interesting the unknown bits about famous people and the work that never made it. 	
rob	Question number five going to Liz: Boxing Day, the 26th of December or first weekday after Christmas Day is traditionally a day of giving to the needy, that's you and me. 	
liz	Awh!	
rob	But what Christmassy saint also raised claim to that day and the clue is you can sing the answer quite a lot of people do? 	
liz	Noel?	
rob	Hmm.	
liz	Carol?	
rob	No, no, no. Mat?	
mat	It is [singing] Gloria - Honeyford? 	
rob	I'm afraid the answer is Stephen as in Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of...?	
mat and liz	Stephen. 	
mat	Stephen's feast must have been - who was Stephen?	
rob	Well it's funny you should say that. It's not St. Stephen's Day Ireland and parts of Europe and in South Africa it used to be called Boxing Day until 1994 when it was changed to Goodwill Day after Nelson Mandela became President and St. Stephen himself was one of the twelve disciples of Jesus and is said to be the first Christian martyr. Edified? Good. Right next question to you, Mat. Question number six: Classic 1947 film 'Miracle on 34th Street' tells the story of Macy's store Santa Claus. Kris Kringle - that's two 'Ks' was a bearded old man who lived in a nursing home and believed he was the real Santa. It ends with a court case where rival stores fight over whether he's real or insane. But who played the mental Santa in the 1994 remake? 	
mat	Why I believe it was Mr Richard Attenborough. 	
rob	Oh yeah two points to Fraser.	
mat	Thank you. 	
liz	Yeah you're on the board! 	
rob	So the original film was an Oscar winner and starred a young Natalie Wood as the girl who didn't believe in the big man in the red suit. British actor, Edmund Gwenn, played Kris Kringle in the film, he won an academy award for the role and the internet movie database says he is the only actor to have received an Oscar for playing Santa. Surprising really! Not the most difficult of roles though frankly. 	
mat	To be honest though Richard Attenborough's remake was never going to get... 	
rob	Because I haven't seen it, is it a car crash?	
mat	It's not his best work. 	
rob	Dickie, poor Dickie. Question seven over to Elizabeth. How many little people were hired to play the munchkins in the 1939 MGM film 'The Wizard of Oz'? 	
liz	How many? 	
rob	And there's a lot. 	
liz	There is a lot. 	
rob	That's my clue - a lot. 	
liz	Okay. Is it more than 50? 	
rob	Yes. 	
mat	Oh we're allowed to ask questions now are we? 	
rob	Well I'm going to give her that one just because she's ill today. 	
mat	Okay. 	
liz	89?	
rob	No incorrect. Mat over to you. 	
mat	120?	
rob	Ooh you are so close, I'll give you one more guess. 	
mat	121?	
rob	You know what you're so close I'm going to give it to you. 	
mat	119? 	
rob	It's 124 but you're so close.	
mat & liz	Oh!	
rob	You're getting it, I'm going to give you that one. 	
liz	You know your little people. 	
mat	[singing] De, de, de da. That was the song wasn't it?	
rob	124 proportionally correct little people were hired to represent The Lullaby League and The Lollypop Guide. Lead munchin Jerry Maren said that the little people on the set back then in 1939 were paid $50 a week for a six day week while Toto received $125. And seven surviving munchkins attended the reunion ceremony when they were admitted to the Hollywood Walk of Fame in November 2007. And an animated 3D sequel 'Dorothy of Oz' - can you hear that sound it's barrels being scraped. It's set to hit cinema screens next year and stars Lea Michele who plays high school student Rachel Berry in the TV musical 'Glee'.	
mat	I've got a question: What's more scary the idea of the munchkins or those flying monkeys?	
rob	Monkeys. 	
mat	Flying monkeys.	
liz	It's got to be the monkeys. 	
rob	It's got to be, every time. 	
mat	Singly the most scary thing of my childhood. 	
liz	Yes it's the idea of them picking you up and flying with you - terrifying. 	
rob	And it's the final question to Mr Mat Fraser: Another Hollywood project on the cards for next year is a 'Snow White and the Huntsman' - there's that sound again, bottom of barrels – starring Kirsten Stewart and a number of dwarfs - we're guessing at least seven. They've been filming at Pinewood this month but dwarfs aside do you know the name of Snow White's sister from the original European fairy tale? 	
mat	Er, Chloe?	
rob	Chloe. I think a little bit more imagination would be good. 	
mat	All right. 	
rob	Snow White there's probably a colour involved isn't there? 	
mat	Um, black, black/white?	
rob	Liz would you like to make a slightly less incompetent guess?	
liz	I can't think of anything witty. 	
rob	You can't think of any colours.	
mat	Unlike me who came up with the remarkably witty word 'black'. 	
rob	You can't think of any colour.	
liz	Red. 	
rob	Yes you've got it. And you know what I'm going to give it to you. 	
mat	Red White?	
rob	No it's Rose Red but I'm going to give it to Liz because at least she tried.	
mat	Rose Red... 	
liz	Thank you. 	
mat	... and Snow White. 	
rob	So yes 'Snow White and the Huntsman' is set to feature able-bodied actors like Bob Hoskins shrunk down to size with special effects to get that dwarf look. 	
mat	Why? Back in the programme... 	
rob	Dwarfs for hire. 	
mat	I don't know whether you heard the programme when I was talking to Warwick but I WISH I'd know that when I was talking to him to get his take on that. 	
rob	I don't know if he's even aware because... 	
mat	He's probably cast most of it. 	
rob	... it's a massive problem for real dwarfs really isn't it? No-one wants to see a drawfy Bob Hoskins I want to see a real dwarf. 	
mat	Absolutely. 	
rob	Absolutely. So anyway it's end of round one. Tony, in your best 5Live voice can you give us the scores so far please.	
mat	Make it that I win, Tony. 	
tony	At the end of an enthralling first round Mat has got a staggering three points but leaping ahead Liz five points.	
rob	Ooh [clapping] congrats, congrats. 	
mat	Well done. 	
liz	All to play for. 	
rob	Round two it's the Riddle Me Re round. It's a disability thing. I'm a disability thing. Right, what kind of disability related thing am I? Right so you're playing separately in this round... 	
mat	Okay. 	
rob	... and I get to score you out of ten depending on how close you get in this incredibly wide ranging and poorly conceived round. I'm taking on the persona or aura of a well known thing in the disability universe and you have to guess what I am. Is that clear? 	
mat	Yes. How do we tell you?	
rob	I could be anything from a wheelchair to a cataract and using your skill and immense knowledge of the disability scene - you do have some knowledge a bit, more than me.	
liz	A tad.	
rob	I expect you to suss me out. So Mat you're going to go first. 	
mat	Right. 	
rob	Sixty seconds are going to be on the clock. Riddle Me Re, Riddle Me Re what incredibly big and politically contentious disability thing am I? Start your guessing now.	
mat	Oh no clues whatsoever?	
rob	No clues whatsoever. 	
mat	Are you grab stick?	
rob	No. 	
mat	Are you one of those new chairs that can make wheelie people stand up?	
rob	You're nowhere near. You need to go a lot further out. Start from the outer sphere of questioning. 	
mat	Um, are you a prosthetic limb that has... 	
rob	No, no. 	
mat	Oh. Are you like a three dimensional suit?	
rob	No. You're making very specific guesses here. I think the idea is to start general then work your way in as I give you more information. 	
mat	Okay. Are you alive? 	
rob	Er... 	
mat	No you're not because you're a thing. 	
rob	I'm a thing.	
mat	Are you a carbon based thing? 	
rob	Not really, no. 	
mat	I don't know what's made of carbon anyway. 	
rob	Would be that helpful if I said yes.	
mat	Are you made of plastic?	
rob	In parts but not really. Five seconds Mat. 	
mat	Are you a toy? 	
rob	No. 	
mat	Are you an adult?	
rob	No. 	
mat	I don't know what you are. 	
rob	That was awful. You completely misunderstood the... you know when we do Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable?	
mat	Yes. 	
rob	You don't go straight in and say "Have you had a brain aneurysm?" You start off with saying, "Are you alive? Are you breathing? Are you short? Are you fat?" or whatever. But anyway what was I - I was a special school.	
mat	Oh wow! So you were carbon based, ah. 	
rob	That wouldn't have helped you. As if you would have got it. It was on the tip of your tongue. Right, okay so I'm going to give you a mark out of ten based on closeness and I'm going to give you a cheeky little one. 	
mat	No it's more than I deserve frankly. 	
rob	So Liz your turn. Sixty seconds are on the clock. Riddle Me Re. Riddle Me Re what's small yet characteristically useful disability object of old, ye olden days of the pasto, am I? Your time starts now. 	
liz	Are you a disability aid?	
rob	Yes.	
liz	Are you used by a deaf person? 	
rob	Yes. 	
liz	Are you a hearing aid? 	
rob	Yes. 	
liz	A type of hearing aid?	
rob	Yes. 	
liz	Are you an ear trumpet? 	
rob	YES! Oh my God!	
liz	Oh YES! 	
rob	That's incredible. 	
mat	Right can I just say... 	
rob	I can't believe that. You genuinely haven't looked at my script? That was incredible. 	
mat	Can I just say not buying that for a second chaps. 	
rob	To be fair. 	
mat	That was some of the WORST acting I've ever seen from either of you. 	
rob	Mat, I'm seriously with you because that was a bit weird quite frankly how Liz got it that quickly. 	
mat	I'm looking at you, Liz, and I'm genuinely looking at you Mat Liz looking. Liz, you're lying, you're lying. 	
rob	Liz looks absolutely genuinely frightened by the fact that she got it that quickly. We're all a little bit scared. Has anyone told you that you're psychic or anything before?	
liz	I think it's because I've been ill right so like layers of consciousness have gone down the toilet. 	
rob	You're a witch. 	
liz	And so I am a little bit. I often know the time when there's no clocks around. 	
mat	And that is ectoplasm coming out of your nose then? 	
rob	Ten frankly is woefully inadequate I'm going to have to give you about seven thousand and four for that. That was absolutely extraordinary. 	
liz	I'm sorry. 	
mat	It's alright Liz, it's fine. 	
rob	So with that frankly thrashing I'm going to go over to Tony for the scores at the end of round two. Tony? 	
tony	Certainly thrashing at the end of the second round Mat's on four but Liz has increased her lead to a staggering 17 points. 	
rob	17 it's a whitewash. I'd love to say there's everything to play for but frankly there isn't unless you absolutely nail this final round, Mat. 	
mat	I can try, here we go. 	
rob	This is the buzzer round. 	
mat	Oh great!	
rob	You've both got buzzers in front of you. 	
mat	Yes. 	
rob	Mat, would you like to give yours a little honk please? [buzzer sounding] There it is. And you don't get more answers right just for banging it and squeezing it. And Liz do you want to ring your little bell? [bell jingling] Oh yeah we're in. Okay. So this is this year in disability, it's the buzzer round featuring questions loosely based on news that came from this year. So we've heard the buzzers so what I want you to do is buzz when you think you know the answer. If it's incorrect I'll pass it over to the other side who will get one point. If you get it right first time round you get two points. So question number one: What is the name of the proposed new benefit which looks set to replace disability living allowance? [bell] Liz Carr?	
liz	It's the PIP, the Personal Independent Payment.	
rob	Correct. Two points. Question number two: Which word did Ricky Gervais upset disability... [buzzer and bell] Fraser?	
mat	Mong. 	
rob	Oh yes he did that's right. It was in no way obviously related to the fact that his new programme 'Life's Too Short' was about to appear in the press. Two points to Mat. Question number three: DJ, TV presenter and charity worker Sir Jimmy Saville died late this year but which hospital do you most associate... [bell] [buzzer] Liz Carr?	
liz	Stoke Mandeville. 	
rob	You do indeed. Home of the Paralympics movement and the famous spinal unit. Two points to Liz. Question number four: Henry Winkler grabbed the headlines earlier this year when he was awarded for his work for those with dyslexia, something he himself has had to conquer, but which iconic US sitcom TV [buzzer] [bells] did he play? Mat Fraser.	
mat	The Fonz. 	
rob	He did indeed, the Fonz from 'Happy Days'. 	
mat	YES! Come on! 	
rob	Question number five: This August Channel 4 had a successful run with their reality show 'Seven Dwarfs' which, if you didn't see it, was exactly as you're imagining it right now in your head. But can you give me the names of all Disney's seven dwarfs please? [buzzer] Fraser?	
mat	I honked just to get in ahead but I'm not sure that... Right.	
rob	Off you go then, have a go. 	
mat	Okay. Dopey. 	
rob	One.	
mat	Sneezy.	
rob	Two.	
mat	Happy.	
rob	Three.	
mat	Grumpy.	
rob	Four. 	
mat	Dog. 	
liz	Doc!	
rob	Doc. Five.	
mat	Sorry I couldn't read... I can't do it. 	
rob	You're stuck at five. 	
mat	I'm stuck at the Doc.	
rob	Okay, Liz, do you want to have a go?	
liz	He got Doc didn't he? 	
rob	Yes he got Doc, he got Grumpy, he got Happy... 	
liz	Have we had Sleepy?	
rob	We had Sleepy yes. There's two more. 	
mat	Sneezy!	
rob	Don't know if I should really let it go back to you but okay.	
mat	Whoever gets the last one. 	
rob	But there's one that you're both forgetting. And there's a reason why people forget it I think it's because it's not one of the ones that ends in a 'y'. 	
liz	Oh man!	
rob	Well Doc doesn't end in a 'y' and there's one other one which doesn't either. 	
mat	Punch? 	
rob	No. I'm going to have to call it. 	
liz	Go on no.	
rob	It's Bashful. 	
mat	BASHFUL! AGH! 	
ROB	So nothing for either of you. Question number six: Premier footballer Wayne Rooney and Secretary of State for Welfare and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, both performed a disability faux pas this year and got caught out for it what was the faux pax? [bell] Liz Carr.	
liz	They went into disabled toilets. 	
rob	They did. Wayne at Glastonbury. And the man who people still call IDS after a TV debate at Channel 4 HQ in Pimlico South London. Question number seven: The BBC's magazine programme for deaf people celebrated its 30th birthday this year and the BBC's show for blind people celebrated its 50th what are the names of these two programmes? [buzzer] Mat Fraser.	
mat	'See Here'. 	
rob	Yeah. And... [bell] Liz Carr.	
liz	'In Touch'. 	
rob	'In Touch'. 	
mat	OH!	
rob	Right so you're getting a point each for that. 	
mat	It's true what they say though because you know the answers then when the pressure's on and you're an actual contestant doing the quiz you forget. 	
rob	A complete and total brain freeze. And I know you're angry but please stop banging the table. Please. Okay. 	
mat	Sorry. I've tied my flippers behind my back. 	
rob	Calm down. Just be calm, Mat, it's okay. Question number eight: Which member of the Royal Family accompanied four disabled servicemen on their trek to the North Pole? [buzzer] Mat Fraser.	
mat	Harry. 	
rob	He did. Chairman of the charity Walking with the Wounded. Mat you're clawing back a bit of dignity and respect here. 	
mat	I know. 	
rob	Question nine: Returning from years away from the scene with mental health difficulties which '80s post punk panto pop star [bell] toured with his new band The Good, The Mad [buzzer] And The Lovely Posse? Liz Carr.	
liz	Adam Ant. 	
rob	Yes he did. Question number... Oh by the way I should tell you actually it's his sixth studio album, the band is called Adam Ant is the Blueblack Hussar. That's the album. Oh Adam ant is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter that's the name of the new album. The Blueblack Hussar is also the name of a forthcoming ethical clothing line he's said to be working on. It's a commercial humdinger isn't it? Absolutely. Question number ten: Much discussed in the disability community this year and much worried about what do the initials WCA stand for? Oh I'm going to have to hurry, especially Liz I thought you'd know this one. Right neither of you. It's the Work Capability Assessment. It's the face to face...	
mat	Uh-ho!	
rob	... computerised test... How can it be face to face and computerised - that disabled people have to take to assess which benefits they go on if entitled at all since the demise of incapacity benefit. This is the scary stuff, this is the stuff that we try and hide with having people like Warwick Davis on and having Mat with a funny hooter but actually... 	
liz	It's true. 	
rob	... this is the real world.	
liz	It's the important stuff. 	
rob	And neither of you got it right. We don't know anything - fantastic. Question number eleven:	
mat	Liz you should have known that. 	
rob	Yeah you should have known that Liz. 	
liz	You should have known it?	
mat	Why?	
liz	You just should. 	
rob	I'm glad that no-one's saying, "Rob, you should have known it" everyone knows I was never going to know this. Question number eleven: Also on the work front beginning with 'R' what is the name of the government funded company which has traditionally employed disabled people [bell] in its factories [buzzer] in World War II? Liz got there first. What was it Liz?	
liz	Remploy. 	
rob	Indeed it was. In the news this year as all the factories are facing closure as recommended by the Sayce report. Question number twelve, are we nearly there we've got about another... five more questions to go. Grass roots organisations and the big disability charities came together this year in an unprecedented act of solidarity, they organised two big protest marches; what was the name they gave to those marches? [bell] Liz again. 	
liz	The Hardest Hit.	
rob	Yes it was. The first was in London in May, the second in twelve cities around the UK in October. Now I've got a feeling that Mat might get this one. Question number thirteen. 	
liz	Shall I put my bell down?	
mat	No don't put your bell down. Don't condescend me Liz. 	
liz	Go on, I've put my bell down, there you go. 	
rob	We're both condescending your now, Mat, it's got to that point. Even Tony's looking at you with a bit of sympathy in his eyes. Tom Pellereau, winner of the BBC's 'The Apprentice' earlier this year won despite having a disability. What is his disability? Come on Mat. 	
mat	He's... 	
rob	You've watched 'The Apprentice' haven't you? 	
mat	I've watched one episode of 'The Young Apprentice'. 	
rob	Right you're not going to get it then. 	
mat	No I would say that he is deaf. 	
rob	No. Liz?	
mat	And that he...	
liz	Oh man. 	
rob	What do you mean and I said wrong, you're wrong straight away. Go to Liz. Tom Pellereau winner of the BBC's 'The Apprentice' earlier this year won despite having a disability. What is his disability?	
liz	It's one of two things I think. Was it dyslexia?	
rob	Yes correct. 	
liz	Yeah. 	
rob	What was the other thing you were going to say? 	
liz	I was going to say an Asperger's thing. 	
rob	Yeah. 	
liz	Do you know what I mean he had that...	
rob	Yeah he looked like that kind of... 	
liz	He had that feel about him didn't he? 	
rob	Absolutely but yeah dyslexia is the answer. 	
mat	He felt like an Asperger's? 	
liz	Yeah. 	
mat	Fair enough.	
rob	Yes you look exactly like somebody you'd see on University Challenge.	
liz	Absolutely. 	
rob	He's basically done a pact with the devil where he's swapped all of his social skills for a bit more brain. Question number fourteen: What's the imaginative name of Channel 4's T4 magazine show about the Paralympics? [buzzer] Mat Fraser.	
mat	Is it called 'Paralympics Now'? 	
rob	[bell] That sounds very '80s, your golden age of TV work wasn't it, but it's not. 	
liz	Ooh! 	
rob	That sounds like something Janet Street Porter would have commissioned. But you are quite close. Liz do you want to have a go?	
liz	'That Paralympic Show'. 	
rob	Yes it is. Good job. 	
liz	That's about 70 isn't it? 	
mat	You read it don't you? 	
liz	I watch it. 	
mat	You watch it! Is it any good?	
liz	No. 	
rob	Why isn't it any good?	
mat	Because it's not on the BBC. 	
rob	Oh of course. Other than that?	
liz	I only watch anything that's on the BBC. 	
rob	So loyal. Question number fifteen: Starting soon is a new online social network called 'Black Dog Tribe' but which comedian and mental healther is behind it? [buzzer] Mat Fraser. 	
mat	I reckon because he's the only mental healther ex-mental healther comedian I know, Paul Merton. 	
rob	No. Liz? 	
liz	Is it Ruby Wax?	
rob	Yes it is. 	
mat	Oh! 	
rob	She's flooring you, Mat. 	
mat	I know. 	
rob	And we're at the very, very final question. In which major hit movie did Warwick Davis make his acting debut at 11 years old? [buzzer] [bell] Mat.	
mat	This is the one where he was an ewok is it? 	
rob	It could be. I need you to tell me.	
mat	Star... no it's called I can't read backwards miming. 	
rob	Oh you're now getting help from... 	
mat	I'm getting help from the people in the studio. 	
Rob	... from the people on the other side of the window. 	
mat	Somebody actually in our production team is trying to give me the answer and do you know I can't even tell what they're trying to tell me. I don't know. 	
rob	You were pretty close with the word... the film you were starting to say. 	
mat	Star Wars.	
rob	Yes. Oh my God. 	
mat	Did I get it right? 	
rob	Mat you're saying 'Star Wars' I'm afraid it's kind of not really right because it was actually 'Return of the Jedi', the third of the Star Wars trilogy. 	
mat	What? 	
rob	Low budget independent release. 	
liz	There were three? 	
rob	You probably haven't heard of it. What do you mean there's three there's been about six hasn't there? 	
liz	I've only seen one. 	
rob	Have you? I never seen any of them ever. Don't know why. If someone nails me down, maybe when I'm really disabled I would sit down and watch them all. 	
mat	Have you seen 'Willow'? 	
rob	No. No-one's seen 'Willow'. I've never even heard of it until I watched 'Life's Too Short'.	
mat	I saw it I just can't remember anything about it. 	
liz	It's usually £3 in the cheap DVDs at Christmas. Do you know what I mean in the baskets?	
rob	Is it one of those ones that you can buy in a big bin at a motorway service station?	
liz	Absolutely. 	
rob	Yeah. So it's the very end of the quiz. So, Tony, what are the final scores? 	
tony	Well staggering really, absolutely staggering, despite Mat making a bit of a comeback only finished with twelve points. Liz, the crackers you can pull, thirty five points you are the winner. 	
rob	Thirty five points - congratulations. [clapping] Come on Mat at least give her a little round of applause.	
mat	I'm honking my appreciative horn at Liz. 	
rob	So thank you for listening to our show. Ouch will be back in January with a New Year Special. Although of course everything's always special here on Ouch. Merry Christmas from all of us and we're leaving you with a choir you may have heard on our Christmas warm up show, it's the Open Arts Community Choir from Belfast recorded especially for us, this is their rendition of Silent Night, so goodbye Mat, goodbye Liz.	
liz	Bye. 	
rob	Goodbye everyone. 	
liz	Merry Christmas. 	
mat	Happy Christmas. 
[choir singing]