Ouch Podcast #68 – April 2011
bbc.co.uk/ouch/podcast

Presented and Liz Carr

LIZ	Thank you for downloading the show. I'm Liz Carr. We have a bit of an Easter special today featuring three disabled comedians in Melbourne, San Francisco and London. I spoke to them a bit earlier and the conversation goes from street encounters and internet insults through to stick insects - it's well worth a listen. 
[Jingle: From the BBC in London it's the Ouch Talk Show.]
Joining me on the line today we have three disabled comedians though you're going to discover there's more to them than just that disability tag you know. On the line from San Francisco we have Maysoon Zayid who, until recently at least, you described yourself as a Palestinian Muslim virgin with cerebral palsy from New Jersey who's an actress, comedian and activist. Hello, Maysoon.  	
Maysoon	Hey Liz how are you?	
liz	I'm good. Now you say until recently, so which of those labels have you lost recently? 	
maysoon	I've decided to stop having cerebral palsy. 	
liz	Really? 	
maysoon	Yeah. 	
liz	Excellent. It doesn't sound like that, I have to say. I don't mean to be cruel but... 	
maysoon	I felt like that one was getting me the least, you know, the least attention so... 	
liz	I know you really are going for those box ticks aren't you? 	
maysoon	Yes I try to fill every single quota and actually I got to be a delegate from my State for Obama's election and when they called me they said they were looking for a black lesbian in a wheelchair and then they found me. 	
liz	Joining us via Skype from her home in Melbourne Australia is Stella Young. Hello Stella. 	
stella	Hello. 	
liz	I've got here comedian, former museum tour guide we've just learnt and editor of Ramp Up a new disability website from ABC which was modelled on the Ouch, the Ouch website - is that right?	
stella	It was, it was. We decided that we needed something just like Ouch here in Australia and so the ABC have set up Ramp Up and I was lucky enough to apply for it and get this amazing job. 	
liz	Amazing job at Ramp Up hm not sure, we'll talk about that later. And in the studio here in London with me today is Chris McCusland now you might have seen him on Me Too, on the CBeebies channel playing Rudi the market trader, yes but his day job is as a stand up comedian. We think the only full time blind comic in the UK - is that right, Chris? 	
chris	Yeah in the UK definitely but I've no idea about further afield. 	
liz	Really, you're not making that claim? 	
chris	No, no, no.	
liz	No I think you're right. I think that you smirk there, are you chuffed to be known as the Me Too man from CBeebies? 	
chris	Do you know, for the other two on the line, Me Too was a TV show for teeny tots, kind of like the two to four age range, and I did it about five years ago and it keeps then getting brought up in conversation and the way I've learnt to look at it is that it was the best show that's ever been made. 	
liz	Is that because it paid your mortgage? 	
chris	No.	
liz	No. 	
chris	Because that's the only way I'm going to stay sane really is to think of it as a masterpiece and a work of pure genius. 	
liz	We've got you all here because obviously there's a comedy angle and I want to ask you something, so let's start at the beginning and one thing that a lot of disabled comedians tend to do is establish with the audience that they are disabled before they start their act, at the beginning of their act. Chris I know it's something that you do why do you think it's necessary?	
chris	It's necessary because it's obvious. It's obvious that there's something, it mightn't be obvious what it is, it could be maybe one of four things, so it needs dealing with. And there's probably a lot of tension in the room or a lot of, "Oh Jesus what's this?" So it just needs dealing with really and once you've dealt with it, hopefully the audience can be... some of that tension can be removed and you can move on. 	
liz	And Stella you are possibly the most obviously disabled person, you're a wheelchair user, so when you get on stage do you still find it's important that you, you know, dispel that and get rid of the elephant in the room from the start?	
stella	I kind of do. I feel it's really necessary to kind of acknowledge that I've come on stage in a wheelchair and I'm also less than a metre tall. So I kind of do feel it necessary to acknowledge. And I play around with different ways of doing that and I think probably my favourite so far is actually apologising for arriving on stage in a chair and saying that unfortunately Lady Gaga had borrowed my legs so it was my only option. 	
liz	I like that you find different ways of doing it as well. Maysoon, what for you how do you introduce yourself when you get on stage? 	
maysoon	I mean that's how the entire like ridiculous long moniker of Palestinian Muslim virgin with cerebral palsy from New Jersey came from because I was aware from my very first stand up show that I had to tell people what was going on because my CP exhibits as shaking. So as a comic that walks on stage that looks nervous that's not good for anyone. So I knew that I had to tell them what was going on and get it out of the way. And I didn't want to do something that was like, "Look at me I'm disabled" and that's why I buried it with all those other descriptions that were equally strange and foreign to peoples' ears. So it was like look being disabled is the least of my problems. 	
Liz	It's just one of the many kind of thing? 	
maysoon	Hm-mm. 	
LIZ	Yeah. And Chris you know it's important so what's your line, how do you do it, how do you break it to an audience?	
chris	The way I do it at the minute really is to tell them, just to tell them that I'm blind as a fact. It's just best that I get that out the way at the start otherwise this just turns into 20 minutes of you lot staring at me thinking how drunk is this fella? 	
liz	No joke.	
chris	Yeah you know tell them because a lot of people think it's going to be 20 minutes of blind jokes, I say, "I wouldn't do to that you'd lot would get bored and leave and no one would bother to tell me." So it kind of releases a little bit of that you know that tension at the beginning. 	
liz	Can I ask you about that because you quoted 13 questions you did for us on Ouch a couple of years back... 	
chris	Yeah, yeah, yeah. 	
liz	... and you said there's nothing more boring than a black guy doing only black jokes or a fat man doing only fat jokes, so... 	
chris	Especially a black fat man doing black, fat jokes that would be more boring. 	
liz	So what do you focus on, what's your... 	
chris	Do you know it doesn't matter basically there's two angles really that I see it from and that's I get bored watching comedy that is just about one thing no matter what it is - whether it's about the history of spoons or cars or being fat or - do you know what I mean? But the added thing that I find personally with my own disability is it's also expected that I would talk about being blind for 20 minutes. I think that's what people expect and so it's good to also challenge that.	
LIZ	So you like to confound them, you don't like to live up to their expectations in that way? 	
chris	Yeah I like to hopefully make them forget. 	
liz	Stella, how about you what's your focus of your comedy? 	
stella	Well a lot of it is based on the funny things that happen to me because I'm disabled. So a lot of it is all about my interactions with strange religious people. Or I do a lot of political comedy as well but try and base it quite firmly in stupid things that people do that are related to disability. So you know Kim Beazley who's a former Australian politician he went to Washington recently and fell over and said that black ice is invisible to the Australian eye. So I've got a bit sort of based on that. And he fell over and he actually broke both of his knees, so he's been a wheelchair user for a few months. And I find that hysterical that he could find something funny as invisible to the Australian eye that's completely ridiculous, we have the same eyeball.	
liz	What is the Australian eye? Yes. 	
stella	Yeah. As far as I know we have the same eyeballs as the people who live in Washington. So I kind of try and find stuff that's going on in the world and I can relate it to disability to kind of show that this isn't just... it's not just about me like disability can be found everywhere and it's pretty funny in most places. 	
LIZ	Maysoon, for you disability a major part of your comedy or is it kind of... is it the Palestinian schtick what is it for you? 	
maysoon	I have like comedian ADD I really just talk about whatever I want to. So some days I'm talking about politics. I mean I think, I think that people have seen the work that I do say that it's just the rantings of a lunatic mind. It could be anything; I can talk about politics, I can talk about the crazy taxi driver who almost killed me on the way here, I can talk about getting engaged and regretting being married and all that stuff. And I think I piggyback what Chris said and I get bored quickly, so I'm always talking about other things. And for me because there's so few, there are so few disabled performers in America, I feel like I have to kind of take them on a journey that they never think they're going to be taken on because here they kind of think that we're stupid too. 	
liz	Oh I don't think that's just with you. 	
maysoon	Really? 	
liz	I don't know do you get that Chris?	
chris	People don't necessarily think that but they do assume that your comedy's going to be of a certain kind of genre, do you know what I mean? 	
maysoon	Yeah but you don't have a slack jaw, I have a slack jaw they think I'm stupid. 	
chris 	Yeah, yeah, yeah. 	
stella	Is anything invisible to your particular geographic eyes, Maysoon?	
maysoon	Well listen, I have to tell you you said that you think you have the same eyes as the people in Washington DC but what you don't know is those aren't people they're robots, they're pod people, there's a very, very good chance that you don't see what they see because I've heard Michelle Buckman talk and I have no idea what she's seen. If you guys have never seen her she's this lunatic right wing woman who really, really despises us... 	
liz	Disabled... 	
maysoon	... as in anyone that's not her. 	
liz	Okay. 	
maysoon	And she got to do a rebutttal on television the other day to the President's Speech and she couldn't figure out where the camera was. So she's just staring off into the distance I think seeing the black ice. 	
stella	That is great I'm glad that you've confirmed that for me. 	
maysoon	Stella, I want to come and do a show in Australia. 	
liz	No come on, you can't be plugging your own shows, this isn't…..	
maysoon	No I want to go to Australia. 	
LIZ	I know you've got 25 minutes left here, Maysoon, but no stop it, hold on. 	
maysoon	Oh you want me to plug my shows... 	
liz	No, no, no that's right. 	
maysoon	 If I say…..	
LIZ	That's going to be on the website. Well that's interesting because you set up the Arab American Comedy Festival - is that right, is that what it's called? What's it called, go on? 	
maysoon	Unfortunately when I named it I didn't think about how many times I'd have to repeat it, so it's the New York Arab American Comedy Festival. 	
liz	But that's interesting because is that, you know you were saying about you worry that people might get bored if you just do comedy of one type but isn't that a whole comedy festival about one type of comedy?	
maysoon	It's five days out of 365. Yeah the New York Arab American Comedy Festival came around post 9/11 in America, and the problem was that Arabs were being vilified, Arab characters on television were one facet they were only terrorists or women in burkas, and we've as a community felt like we needed to do something positive. So the Arab American comedy festival I've produced for eight years and I'm a volunteer, it's a non for profit, it's a way for us as Arab American comedians to show the rest of the Americans that we are part of the fabric of society, we're not one facet, we are, you know, we're not this other. And I think that in America there's always been a tradition of minorities using comedy as a voice and when the comedy festival came about it was our turn to use it as a platform. 	
LIZ	So do you think would that work with disability, Chris, do you think if we had a three to five days disability comedy festival why would that not work, or would it work do you think? 	
chris	No I don't think... 	
maysoon	I think it would work. 	
chris	Okay. No. 	
stella 	It was be a access nightmare. 	
liz	Yeah but why not Chris?	
chris	Can I ask first of all the Arab American Comedy Festival do you get a turnout audience-wise from non Arab audience members do you get a good turnout from...	
maysoon 	We have about a 45/55 split and I think the reason is, and this is the reason why I think a disability comedy festival would work, is because just because a comic is Arab doesn't mean they talk about Arab things, it doesn't mean they have the same life experience. So you have Joe DeRosa who's an amazing comic who's talking about Kentucky Fried Chicken and then Dino Bedolla who's talking about his Sicilian Mum dating. So you're not looking at one perspective and that's why I would never say, "No don't do one that's disabled" because in my view you're showing how different we all are, how it's not what you think. 	
LIZ	Stella you were saying... you wanted to say something there. 	
stella	I was just saying that would be an access nightmare. 	
liz	What the line up?	
stella	Can you imagine trying to organise... yeah well can you imagine trying to organise certainly where all the performers were disabled in some way and all the audience, or a large percentage of the audience was disabled in some way - sorry my head went straight to logistics. 	
liz	It's fine, the practical you, I like that. But Chris you were... 	
chris	You see my opinion is on it that disability is different to race in one major way in terms of collecting, grouping people together for an event like that, and that is that people are proud of their race and they're proud of their culture, but you're not necessarily proud of your disability. You can be proud of the way you deal with your disability but you're not proud to be in a wheelchair, you're not proud to be blind, or be pride to be... although deaf people are a different kettle of fish aren't they? But do you know what I mean? So being Arab or being black or being gay is something you can be proud of and you can get together and you can celebrate that. Whereas I find that that is different to disability. 	
maysoon	Chris, I'm going to jump on a plane just to sit across from you and talk to you because we disagree on everything. I'm so proud of my disability. I like parade it through the streets. Because you know growing up in society that thought it was really negative I kind of found a way to be like you people are out of your minds, I'm totally proud. 	
chris	But you're proud of the way you deal with it. 	
maysoon	It's a gift. 	
chris	Yeah. 	
maysoon. 	No, huh-ha I'm not proud... you don't know me, I'm such a little spoilt brat I don't deal with it very well. 	
liz	But I guess Chris' point is 	
maysoon	But I'm... It's like my brown hair or my, you know, it's part of my style and who I am, I'm totally proud of it. 	
liz	So you're proud of cerebral palsy in itself for example.	
maysoon	Heck yeah. I think I have one of the better disabilities though, let's be honest. 	
liz	Arrogant about CP I like that. 	
stella	There needs to be a competition really once and for all to sort out which one is the best one. 	
maysoon	The hierarchy yeah. 	
liz	Where does your come then Stella, come on? 	
stella	Hm I mean mine's pretty good. I'm pretty conveniently sized which I quite like about my disability. I've got……and my bones are a bit dodgy that's a bit annoying. But I think on the whole it's not a bad one. And I, like Maysoon, I'm incredibly proud of my disability and get more proud as I get older. And I kind of like had a moment of disability pride when I was about 17 when I kind of 'came out' and you know decided that... well I discovered the social model really, which is all a bit boring. But you know I decided that this wasn't about me and what was wrong with me, this was about what's wrong with the world and why the world isn't built for me. And it just helped me to kind of g ah actually it's perfectly fine to be proud of myself and to be proud of who I am, and to be proud of my disability. And I think it's kind of it's good and I think that a disability comedy festival would work for that reason because yeah maybe not everybody is at this point in their journey, but I think there are a lot of us who are proud of our disabilities.  	
LIZ	So if we club together and try to get one in Australia you'd book us, you'd put us on then, Stella? Since Maysoon that's trying to get booked over there I might as well...	
stella	Yeah I mean... 	
maysoon	I'm not trying to I'm going there. I just said I wanted to see her. 	
liz	I mean it's quite comic something I'd like to pick up on something you were saying about having this moment where things changed for you and you felt okay about being you. You know forget the pride stuff, Chris, did you ever have that or have you always just been... have you always just been confident being you as a guy that can't see everything? Or was there a moment where you didn’t feel as confident and did that ever... did you have a turnaround moment? 	
chris	Oh God no I mean when I did... my degree's in software engineering and so I did like a web development and stuff like that. And my eyesight got worse, the websites got uglier and so... 	
liz	People stopped buying them. 	
chris	Absolutely. But basically I stopped being as good as the person next to me because it all got very drag and drop and make things look pretty, do you know what I mean? So I stopped doing that and I was unemployed for a while and I was going for job interviews for things that... kind of jobs that you knew you could do kind of I'd like to say with my eyes shut, but that defeats the purpose of what I'm saying. So I was unemployed for a while and you do kind of get to the point of where, do you know where you're just living off the benefits and you want to get a job and you're going to jobs that you know that you can do mentally but there's just something in the way of either the computer system's inaccessible or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, or people's inability to see your potential because they see the eyesight or your disability as a obstacle, or as you said before they associate it maybe to your intelligence and don't see past that. And so yeah I was unemployed for a while. I was spending far too much money in the pub. 	
liz	And then what changed?	
chris 	I just got a job in a call centre locally doing sales. Because I think really when people meet you the main questions that people ask you is what's your name, where are you from and what do you do and it's good to have an answer to all of the three of them, and if you don't it affects your pride and it affects your confidence. And when you can answer all of them three it builds on that, do you know what I mean? It gives you a sense of purpose.	
liz	So it that what did it, just to get to the point, then you were at the call centre how did you make that move then and then go comedian. 	
chris	I was just working at the call centre and I just... the stand up was just a dare really. It was just... do you know normally when you think of something that's kind of beyond your grasp like stand up comedy that must be a cool job I could never do that, and then you just move on to what shall I have for tea tonight. And I just kind of dwindled on it a little bit too... oh no that must be a cool job I could never do that. You know I'm sure loads of people must have a go and there must be some really rubbish people out there. All I'd have to do is just not be the worst person to ever have a go. So I sat down and tried to write five minutes and dared myself to have a go. 	
liz	Maysoon, you've got a quote you said, "I'm not qualified to do anything other than comedy. It became very obvious to me that in the US a fluffy ethnic disabled chick was never going to get a job unless she did stand up." 	
maysoon	Yeah. 	
liz	You said that. Is that why you went for it?	
maysoon	That's exactly why I became a stand up comic and it's also related to my "Ah ha!" moment. You know how Oprah says ah ha moment of your disability when you wake up and go, "I'm proud of who I am and I'm going to tell everyone, I'm not going to hide it anymore" is related to how I got into stand up which is when I went to college I went to a school called Arizona State University and it was the whitest, drunkest, date rapiest school in America. And I decided I wanted to become an actor and I never got any roles, never! But all my like acting professors were like, "You're really good, you're really good" I never got anything. In my senior year they did a show called 'They Dance Real Slow in Jackson' about a girl with cerebral palsy in a wheelchair. And when I saw the casting call that's when I came out. I was like, "I have cerebral palsy by the way does everyone know I have cerebral palsy because I have cerebral palsy" because I was like I'm finally going to get a part, and then I didn't get the part. They gave it to a girl named Sherry Brown. 	
Liz	You hate her don't you? You hate her.	
maysoon	You know I feel no hate for anyone but I'm just happy that I'm on TV and apparently she has like seven kids. 	
liz	Does she have CP cerebral palsy?	
maysoon	No. She was an able bodied girl who got the role and when I asked them why it wasn't me they said, I swear to God I can't make this up, and the woman's name is **** and if people want to harass her **** Arizona State University.	
liz	You name names don't you?	
maysoon	She said to me the reason you didn't get it is because you can't perform the stunts. And I said, "If I can't perform the stunts neither can the fricking character." 	
liz	What kind of stunts are involved in having CP?	
maysoon 	At some point the mean kids dump her out the wheelchair and she has to drag herself across the stage. 	
liz	Well that's quite cool. 	
maysoon	Exactly. 	
liz	I mean it's not if it happened in real life. 	
stella		
liz	Sorry there Stella. 	
maysoon 	I realised that if I wasn't getting cast as the chick with CP it was never going to happen and I thought about the people who made it like Whoopi Goldberg and Rosanne Barr and people who didn't fit that like perfect model or weren't Artie On Glee who I want to wrestle and I said I've got to get into stand up it's the way I'm going to get cast and it worked out. 	
liz	So Stella sorry I know there's a little delay because you're coming through from Australia, what were you going to say there? 	
stella	No I was just saying it's really easy to fall out of your chair and drag across the ground I've done it dozens of times I'll teach you the ropes. 	
liz	Yeah you're usually in hospital then for six months, that's the problem Stella.	
stella	Yeah, yeah there is that. 	
liz	But you've come from being a tour guide in a museum, in fact the Melbourne museum, is that right? 	
stella	Yeah yeah because I studied journalism at university. And then I did teaching as well and I decided I didn't want to be a perpetual university student so I got a job in disability arts. And then got really sick of it because it was all really bad and boring and all very, very, very serious. And so I decided to go completely out of my comfort zone and get a job at Melbourne museum. So I would do some of the programming and have some fantastic interactions with children, I just love them. I think my favourite experience ever was where I had this amazing spiney leaf insect on my hand and I told kids they could come up and they could touch with just one finger - and these are four year olds. And so they all came up ready to touch this bug and not one of them touched the bug, they just all touched me. So I mean I think...  	
maysoon	Oh my God. 	
stella	...disability in that role because I was just... I wasn't there as the disabled girl I was there as a girl who knew a substantial amount about this bug and other things. So I really, really like that. But then those experiences especially with children and sometimes with adults you know I did enjoy the man who wanted to see the photos of the dinosaurs from when they were alive.	
liz	Photos! But look do you not think Stella stories like that, that I've heard you talk about, I think we all have that disabled people are like we're uniquely placed to see the unusual side of life, we meet some incredible characters. And I was reading about your, Stella, your experience on a tram and a very personal question. 	
stella	Yes, yes I have been asked on a tram if I have a vagina which was quite a personal question, and quite a shock I must say, on my morning commute. And yeah I mean that doesn't happen to other people. Nobody bowls up to you and says, "Do you have a vagina?" 	
chris	Have you been on the London underground? It probably happens more than you'd imagine. 	
maysoon	If somebody ever asked me if I had a vagina I would punch them in theirs. That's exactly what I would do. 	
liz	I believe it was a woman that said it as well, Stella?	
stella	It was a woman. For some reason the fact that it was a woman made it more shocking to me because I wondered why she wondered like was she... I don't understand. 	
liz	You should have just shown her really shouldn't you? 	
stella 	Just whip it out on public transport	
chris	At least if it was a man you could have responded with, "Do you have $100?"	
stella	Yeah I could have perhaps and not been affronted by the question. And I'm not proud, I must say, I'm not proud of the way I dealt with it because I kind of gave a response that implied I could neither confirm nor deny the existence of a vagina. Because I wasn't thinking on my feet now I'm pretty prepared. I feel like I'm prepared for that question again.  	
LIZ	And you know what, for the rest of your life nobody's going to ask you that question again, what a shame. 	
stella	What's a shame. 	
chris	Well that's the nature of stand up as well isn't it really that when you comeback with that really quick heckle comeback it's because somebody's normally said it at a previous gig and you've thought of the answer on the bus home. 	
LIZ	Chris do you use some of the experiences of what people say to you some of the encounters you have in everyday life, do you use that whether it's about disability or not do you use them in your stand up? 	
chris	Um, no. I'm just trying to think, I'm mentally working my way through my material which is putting me to sleep.	
liz	It could take a while you've had about three Edinburgh shows I think.	
chris	But no. I mean yeah I use kind of things... all my stuff is based on stuff that happens to me really but yeah. I've done a couple of kind of corporate things to do with diversity and stuff; I did one at the Olympic Village the other day and was telling them about when I get shown on a plane and they show me the safety, the little thing under the seat to put on and this is where the mask comes down. They always show me the reading light every single time. 	
LIZ	Ever so hopeful. 	
chris	Every time I check into a hotel they say, "Do you want a hand to your room?" "Yeah please that would be lovely." "Would you like a newspaper in the morning?" Yeah I wish. 	
liz	It's always like wherever you're calling in from or listening in from it's always like the same sort of stuff we get asked don't we, and Maysoon do you find, you must get it all the time ridiculous encounters with people?	
maysoon	I get ridiculous encounters online but also I tour in the Middle East so I've done shows in Palestine and in Jordan and in Egypt and you have no idea like that story about the kids coming up and touching Stella that's exactly how I feel because there they've never seen like a disabled person that's actually functioning. So it's like they're going to the zoo to see the freak boy that they caught. And then when they get there... 	
liz	Can I just ask what do you mean by that? You know a disabled person's actually functioning? 	
maysoon	What I mean is that like... I mean Liz is getting on at me and saying I'm plugging something but I'm not, I run a charity for disabled orphaned refugee children and the reason I started doing that work is because I became very, very aware that in many Middle Eastern countries disabled children were being treated as the equivalent of farm animals. And that's not a reflection of the culture it's a reflection of the fact that the education system has nothing for them so they're not given the opportunity to really progress. 	
liz	And I was reading about this so is it that you go out there and you teach disabled children in refugee camps but you teach them stand up comedy, is that right? 	
maysoon	Well no. 	
liz	Okay. 	
maysoon	I do teach stand up comedy workshops all over the Middle East and I definitely have had a lot of differently able people come to those workshops which is amazing and great and empowering. But what we do is we provide scholarships that mainstream children ages five to twelfth grade into the school systems because only the private schools have the ability to mainstream these kids, so that's what we do. And when I teach I teach mummy classes, and I teach the mums how to deal with having a disabled child and how to raise them and be proud. And why I think it's like big to be able to do stand up comedy is because when I go these parents that have kids that think that their kids have absolutely no potential, see what I'm doing and they're inspired to push their children further. So you know doing comedy in the Middle East I get a completely more loving, warm reaction. Doing it in the United States I get the most cruel responses on YouTube so those are the people that I make fun of. Like one guy called me a crooked gumby whore. 	
liz	Wow!	
maysoon	Do you guys know who gumby is? 	
liz	No.	
stella	Yes. 	
maysoon	Tell her, Stella.	
stella	He's like this green dude made of plastacine. 	
maysoon 	And his mouth is crooked. 	
stella	Yeah. 	
liz	For the UK maybe it's like Morph I don't know, I'm not sure. No I was reading, you know looking at some of your clips and it's true I mean some of the... I mean you know I get a couple of comments on YouTube and I kind of crumble, you get some really, really offensive stuff on there Maysoon.	
maysoon	I get some crazy, crazy people and what I do is I choose to interact with them because I find it amusing. And then I take those encounters onto stage. Because I always think like my big heckle comeback is whenever anyone heckles me I tell them I'm going to take them outside and beat the heck out of them, and they're not going to hit me back because no one likes a big dude who beats up a disabled chick. So online these people just feel free rein to discuss like you know people as you about your vagina, people go online and say, "It's so sad she's pretty but obviously asexual." And then other people tell me I'm a sinner and I'm going to hell because I haven't accepted Jesus. So I get the whole gamut. 	
liz	Chris you don't seem to get this, is this a woman thing do you... people don't say to you, you know, "Have you got a, you know, private parts" I'm not allowed to say anything ruder. 	
chris	I've struggled to find it myself from time to time. 	
liz	But do you know what I mean, the stuff that you're hearing here do you not get anything like that, you know, or people... 	
chris	Do you know I get, I mean, I get bizarre reactions just sometimes when people find out I have... people can be patronising sometimes. Once I turned up at a hotel and said I've got a booking at the hotel it's from the Comedy Club and she said, "Are you a comedian?" And I said, "Yeah. And she paused and then she went, "Good for you." 	
liz	Well done you.	
chris	Yeah well done you. 	
liz	Now look I know... 	
chris	Who's a clever boy?	
liz	... we have to round this off in a sec, I'm really disappointed there's some great stuff coming out here and lovely to talk to you all. So tell me, Chris, for you what are you doing next? I know you're doing comedy all the time but what are your big plans this year? 	
chris	 I'm doing just gigging, writing for Edinburgh and I've got a science TV show which I pitched which we're going to be making a pilot of which is exciting which is about quantum physics in the universe. 	
liz	No way!	
chris 	Yeah it is. 	
liz	Are you like the new Stephen Hawking?	
chris	No, no, no I've pitched it on the basis that I have absolutely no qualifications in the area whatsoever. Yes so we're going to be making that with some proper brainy boffins hopefully.	
liz	Excellent. We'll watch out for you on there. Maysoon, what about you, are you back to running some courses or are you in America at the moment? 	
maysoon	Right now I'm on tour on the West Coast in America on a tour called 'The Arabs Gone Wild' with two great other comedians. And then I'm going to head out and do a little Middle East tour. I'm going to do Abu Dhabi and be in Jordan and Palestine. And in the spring I'm going to start doing the news, so we'll see how that goes. 	
chris	When are you in Abu Dhabi? Are you in Abu Dhabi you said? 	
maysoon	I'm going to be in Abu Dhabi on May 5th. 	
chris	So am I. 	
maysoon	Are you really? 	
chris	Yeah. 	
liz	At the same thing.	
chris	What are you going to? 	
liz	Look you can talk off air, okay that's enough you've got a little thing going, just in case, but if you are in Abu Dhabi then you're going to see two great comedians. Stella, last but not least?	
stella	Well I'm doing a bit of museum comedy which is quite fun. And just kind of gigging around Melbourne. I'm hoping to get overseas one of these days. And I'm probably going to try and start working on a show I think for next year's Melbourne's comedy festival which is going to be really exciting. And I get to write funny stuff about disability all the time on Ramp Up which is kind of great. 	
liz	And there's going to be information on the website about what you're all up to. So Maysoon Zayid, Stella Young, Chris McCusland thank you very much for joining me today. 	
maysoon	Thank you.	
chris 	Cheers, Liz.
[Jingle: Narrow casting to the scroungers, benefit cheats and idle left wingers of the UK, the Ouch Talk Show goes out twice a month, not even on proper broadcast radio but over the internet. Go to bbc.co.uk/podcast click on entertainment and you'll find us in there.]