Ouch Podcast #64 – February 2011
bbc.co.uk/ouch/podcast

Presented by Mat Fraser and Liz Carr

The Ouch Podcast is a download from the BBC. For more information, and our terms of use, go to bbc.co.uk/ouch.

MAT	Roses are red, violets are blue I fancy your carer but I don't fancy you. We'll be talking about the sometimes painful issue of love and disability. 	
LIZ	Can you tell it's our Valentine's Day special? Well it's a bitter sweet day this year as Kaliya Franklin will tell us, she's founder of the Broken of Britain blog and is doing our review of this month's news. 	
MAT	And we're rounding up with our quiz Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable - stay tuned. 
[Jingle: From the BBC in London it's the Ouch Talk Show with Mat Fraser and Liz Carr]
Liz, if I really, really fancied your carer...	
LIZ	Personal assistant, Mat, personal assistant.	
MAT	I'm sorry your personal assistant, sorry there's a big difference.	
LIZ	Yeah absolutely. 	
MAT	So if I did, I'm not saying I do, would you mind if I asked him for a date?	
LIZ	Yes. 	
MAT	Okay. Listeners, I don't know whether you can guess but we're beginning one of those deep conversations. Why, Liz, why what's the problem? 	
LIZ	It just would feel like wrong. 	
MAT	How? Wrong in the way... 	
LIZ	Okay. 	
MAT	... of me dating your mother? 	
LIZ	Yes. 	
MAT	The same wrong? 	
LIZ	Or sister, or brother or like somebody that you know.	
MAT	But they're just people you pay. 	
LIZ	And it's kind of... 	
MAT	They're not family. 	
LIZ	I have had it actually that's the thing. I have had, when I was... 	
MAT	Have you?	
LIZ	When I was at uni, yeah, lots of things happened at uni, good and bad, and I remember one of them was a mate of mine from Lourdes.	
MAT	From Lourdes?	
LIZ	From Lourdes. And really, really liked my PA and asked if they could go out with them and it just felt wrong and I did say no. But they just kept chatting anyway and they kept chatting and they kept chatting and so I sacked her. 	
MAT	Okay. Wow! Why though? 	
LIZ	Why did I sack her? Well she wasn't very good. To be fair she wasn't very good anyway.	
MAT	She was a rubbish PA.	
LIZ	She was, to be fair, to be fair. And most of this was going on behind my back and it was horrible. 	
MAT	But, you know, what was the... I'm trying to find the particular aspect that you didn't like, I mean what was it about it?	
LIZ	I don't know but you know I think it depends on how your personal assistants are, the people that help you, what role they have in your life. And in mine they're very much in the background you know we've mentioned that before, you didn't even know the name of mine until we'd been working together for six years.	
MAT	True. 	
LIZ	There they are, they're like ninjas in the background, whereas with some people they're very much in the forefront. 	
MAT	I used to think there was a woman stalking you who whenever I would looked at her would just look like she's reading a book and then I realised she was reading a book and it was your personal assistant. But like, for instance, you are more friendly with their PAs do you think that type of disabled person would mind more than your type, the sort that likes to keep it much more business-like?	
LIZ	I think it would be fine for them, I think possibly some of my issues are because again when I was younger - get the violin out yeah - since we're at Valentine's there was a guy that I really, really, really liked and he ended up going out with my PA. Exactly! So it's not you know I guess you can start with what if your friends go out, but what if the guy that you really want... 	
MAT	Oh no that's...	
LIZ	And I'm sure he knew but I never had the confidence to tell him and the whole thing and he ended up going out with my PA. 	
MAT	Did you sack that one? That was the same one?	
LIZ	No this was a different one.	
MAT	Okay. 	
LIZ	This was a different one.	
MAT	Because I wouldn't know but that would make me feel really uncomfortable if that happened to me. If I was anyone of those three people I would feel terrifically uncomfortable with that. 	
LIZ	And I think because of that that's why I've gone almost the other way and so, you know, let's just draw a line under friends or whatever going out with your staff no, or your PAs or whoever works for you, no, it feels weird and I think it is. You asked me what it's about and I think it's because of that and just being so hurt by it. And just that lack of confidence thing. Lack of confidence in so many ways, Mat, because he, this guy that I fancied...	
MAT	The fancy guy yeah.	
LIZ	Yeah. Okay he was called Mark, I'm going to say that he'll never listen to this, he was called Mark. And he... 	
MAT	Dear Ouch Podcast, last month I was listening... signed Mark. Angry of the Wirral. 	
LIZ	He was somebody else's PA and I think that this was this whole thing of me thinking he's okay he's a guy but he understands disabled people because he works with them. 	
MAT	I think we're getting to it now. 	
LIZ	So rather than kind of look out into the big wide world of dating I sort of thought I was safer at looking within the world of other people in the PA world or carers, whatever you call them, that I thought he'll understand. So I think, yeah I did fancy him and I did want to go out with him, but I think it's because I thought he was safe and more of an easy bet, and it would be easier going out with him I wouldn't have to explain all the embarrassing...  	
MAT	Well it is a given isn't it that somebody that works with disabled people won't be embarrassed by them, ignorant about their ways and you do have to... you can sweep all that away and then it's just down to the classic stuff of personalities and all of that. Do you think that happens a lot though, Liz, do you think a lot of disabled people secretly fancy their own PA?	
LIZ	Yeah I think it does, I think it does. And I think it happens a lot, I mean it happens across the genders. I've noticed more mates of mine who were guys, disabled guys that have female PAs have got together with their female PAs and I think that's really interesting. No it's probably because very few women have male PAs. I know couples who have got together that way, that they've had a PA they've not known what to do and then they've spoken about it; and it does two things it either totally ruins that relationship doesn't it? Because you know what it's like with mates, you fancy a mate, it's the same dilemma, but what if that 'mate' is also the person that gets you up in the morning? Wow! You tell them that you fancy them you've got to be pretty damn sure they like... you're taking a huge risk aren't you? 	
MAT	That's more complicated than Layer Cake, a film I watched recently, that's layered beyond belief. Listeners, if you've got anything to add to this please let us know because I think it's a really complicated situation isn't it?	
LIZ	I used to think yeah the guy that I go out with, you know a person that I go out with will either be a carer, as I saw them then, or will be a doctor I remember... or a physio. You know when other people might go to clubs and pubs to suss out the top totty and who they might be right? 	
MAT	Yeah. 	
LIZ	Well I used to go to the physio department and think, "Oh he's quite nice" because I'd think a physio yeah not only will he be okay with disability he might get me better as well. 	
MAT	So what was it like for you on Valentine's Day when you were a kid because I found it pretty difficult?	
LIZ	It was just evil wasn't it? 	
MAT	I got a lot of condescending cards from girls who didn't really want to go out with me, who gave me charity Valentine's cards that I knew were as worthless as the wipe away cards they were made on. 	
LIZ	At least you didn't get them from your mum. 	
MAT	Well that would have been a bit weird. You got Valentine's cards from your own mother? 	
LIZ	They just didn't want me to lose out on the experiences of childhood.	
MAT	Oh no. That's like my great uncle used to give my mother one.	
LIZ	What?	
MAT	A Valentine's card every... why is it with us that every... 	
LIZ	Sometimes it's just like Benny Hill isn't it?	
MAT	Yeah. 	
LIZ	No.	
MAT	Do you think he was worried, Benny Hill? This is good radio, it's just good radio that's what this is. 	
LIZ	Well I have been on the receiving end of the pity Valentine card that's what ((0:07:42.4?))	
MAT	I don't think there can be any such a humiliating barb as the pity Valentine card. 'You're a very, very special person, and a lot of us love you very much.'	
LIZ	Don't forget that.	
MAT	'Don't you ever forget that.'	
LIZ	There's plenty of fish in the sea. There's plenty of fish in the hydro pool as it for us. Mat, how can people get in touch with us? 	
MAT	Well if they call me on the mobile I'll tell them where you live and then they can just go round. My number, people, is 079... 	
LIZ	No, Mat that's not a good idea could there be another way? 	
MAT	I can't really think of one. 	
LIZ	Here's a clue - A B C D...	
MAT	E? Oh email! Yes okay, email ouch@bbc.co.uk with anything you like. 	
LIZ	That's it, got it just as the music stops. 	
MAT	I'll send you Liz's home address.	
LIZ	On the line from our studios at BBC Radio Merseyside we have Kaliya Franklin. Hi Kaliya.	
KALIYA	Hi Liz. 	
LIZ	So Kaliya is the founder of The Broken of Britain blog and is reviewing the news for us. 	
MAT	Hi Kaliya, how're you doing, it's Mat here?	
KALIYA	Hi Mat, I'm doing good thanks. How are you? 	
MAT	Good. Well I'm fine but I want to know what is exactly is the Broken of Britain blog? 	
KALIYA	It's a campaign group really that we set up after the comprehensive spending review in October when they announced that they were removing the mobility allowance from care home residents. I got a bit cross and David Cameron of all people should know never make a cripple cross because you don't know where it'll end up. And for us it was that we've started a campaign that lots and lots of people have got onboard with and seem to be really enthusiastic about.  	
MAT	When you say lots of people what numbers are we talking here? Because lots of people in disability terms can mean four sometimes?	
KALIYA	That is a lot! Well we ran a blogs swarm event recently to raise awareness about the DLA cuts called 'One Month Before Heart Break' and that has had well over 20,000 page views and about 170 different contributions I think. 	
LIZ	And what is the One Month Before Heartbreak Campaign, what's that referring to? 	
KALIYA	We were trying to raise awareness because the consultation about disability living allowance reform ends on Valentine's Day, we thought it would be a nice idea to do it a month before. 	
LIZ	So, Kaliya, what's the first news story you've brought us?	
KALIYA	The first news story is actually really chilling. It's about the recent discovery of unmarked graves in the grounds of a psychiatric hospital in Austria which date back to the Nazi era. A lot of people aren't aware that long before they started exterminating Jewish people the Nazis practised effectively on disabled people. They started in the early 1930s with legislation that required disabled people were forcibly sterilised, and then they moved on and built the first experimental gas chamber was used to kill disabled people.  	
MAT	So was this the thing I've heard about called Action T4 - was this the programme of extermination? 	
KALIYA	That's exactly what it is. And it's particularly timely because to ensure that this never happens again we have to remember, but most people aren't very aware that disabled people were exterminated first. And one of the ways that the Nazis won the German people over was lots of propaganda about how much disabled people cost individually to the German taxpayer, which is not that dissimilar to the kind of propaganda we're seeing now about the demonization of welfare claimants. 	
MAT	I think the Conservatives would take issue with that, Kaliya, no? 	
KALIYA	I think that would be understandable so to be really clear I'm not equating any British politician with the Nazi party in any way. 	
MAT	Good. 	
KALIYA	The point I am suggesting is that we learn lessons from history so we don't repeat the mistakes of the past and we have seen in the past how the demonization of one group of people can lead to demonizing other groups, it's pointing out that we've been here before. 	
LIZ	So, Kaliya, what's your next story? 	
KALIYA	My next story is about Riven and Celyn Vincent who have been splashed all over the headlines recently. Riven uses Mumsnet and she's the disabled mum of a six year old girl with a very similar kind of Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy to that of the late Ivan Cameron, David's son. 	
LIZ	Yeah remember that, yeah. 	
KALIYA	Now David Cameron personally met with them before the election and promised her that he would not do anything to harm the care of disabled children. And, unfortunately, only a few months later Riven put a heartbreaking post up on Mumsnet saying that she felt they had no option as a family left other than to put Ceyln in fulltime residential care because the local authority weren't able to increase their respite hours and Riven is exhausted and disabled herself, and unable to cope. 	
LIZ	So, Kaliya, how have the Government responded to that? 	
KALIYA	David Cameron has personally written to Riven and Celyn's local authority but we should probably stress that this isn’t actually as a result of the cuts that are yet to come, this is a respite package dating back to the previous government that's already inadequate. So we're now looking at a case where people in residential homes are going to lose their mobility allowance, entitlement to DLA is going to be reduced overall by 20%, and then possibly by another 20% if the person's independence payment is introduced. We're looking at time limiting to 12 months of contributions based employment and support allowance. Scrapping the linking rule for incapacity benefit for people who've gone into work and then perhaps are not well enough to continue, and endless more benefit cuts affecting disabled people and carers. 	
MAT	At the moment this is just speculation, we don't exactly know what's going to happen but this is the deep concern of many disabled people I know. And I guess there are tough times ahead for many people. 	
KALIYA	Yes. 	
LIZ	I remember at the end of the News at Ten they'd have this and then there's war and there's this and there's this, and then they'd be "But in Bolton there's a kitten who's just fostered a pig." So I'm just wondering after we've had Nazi graves discovered of disabled people from the holocaust, we've got disabled people and the cuts and the impact - have you got any chirpy kind of kitten-like news for us, Kaliya, at all? 	
MAT	On a lighter note... 	
KALIYA	Despite extensive searching I couldn't find any cats with prosthetic legs to feature.	
LIZ	Oh man!	
KALIYA	And nor could I find any mobility scooter ridiculous incidents stories. 	
LIZ	Because they're hilarious aren't' they? 	
KALIYA	They are. 	
MAT	I love those. 	
LIZ	Every time. 	
KALIYA	Me too. So we're going to have to settle for the tank wheelchair man, Jim Star from Dorset.	
LIZ	What?	
KALIYA	Jim was made a special wheelchair by a friend of his which has tank tracks instead of wheels so it can go anywhere - over snow to the beach, it's incredible this thing. But the DVLA have said that the tank chairs too big to be classified as an invalid buggy and so Jim will have to have a Category H driving licence so he can drive a tank like vehicle on a public road, which sort of defeats the point of having the chair really. 	
LIZ	I really want one of them though don't you?	
KALIYA	Me too - imagine the ram raiding possibilities that a tank wheelchair would give you? 	
LIZ	If anyone annoys you and you just keep going.	
KALIYA	I know.	
LIZ	Imagine them in the sales. 	
MAT	Alright girls, alright, alright! 	
LIZ	Kaliya, just before you... 	
MAT	Keep the right side of the law please everyone, if we can. 	
LIZ	Thanks so much for joining us and doing the news. 	
KALIYA	Thank you Liz.	
LIZ	Before you go we need your help. We've had an email in from Paul Thomas and he says, "This might sound like a bizarre question but during the seminar for my disability studies course a few of us wondered where the name Ouch came from as a name for a disability website and why it was chosen?" What do you think, why do you think it's Ouch, it's called Ouch?	
KALIYA	Is it because we have an uncanny ability to walk into doors or any kind of inanimate object really? 	
MAT	Yes. Or is it perhaps because of the stories similar to that that you've just read out?	
KALIYA	Yes they do, Nazi graves do tend to make people wince. 	
LIZ	Just go, "Ouch!" Absolutely. 	
KALIYA	Absolutely. 	
MAT	You sound really fun, Kaliya, if I can just say so. 	
KALIYA	Oh thanks Mat. 	
MAT	And it's great what you're doing and everything but it is quite a serious subject and I'd like to think that the comedy wing of your output which must be pretty formidable as well is also getting an airing in some way - is it? 	
KALIYA	Well I have my own personal blog which I tend to write ridiculous stories about, you know, thinking that I'd wet myself and it actually being the ceiling flooding. 	
MAT	Okay. One is imagining you being tied upside down to the ceiling now, I'm not quite understanding that one but... 	
KALIYA	That would have been fun but that sadly was a way from the reality. 	
LIZ	Well thankfully people can read your blog where? 	
KALIYA	They can reach all these things through TheBrokenofBritain blogspot.com. 	
LIZ	Kaliya, thank you so much for joining us. 	
KALIYA	Thanks Liz, thanks Mat.	
LIZ	If you're looking for into about this show you can find it in the show notes. There's links to things we mention, gossip and more. It's all on our blog which you can find via bbc.co.uk/ouch. That's bbc.co.uk/ouch. 
[Jingle: Now it's time for Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable]	
MAT	Yes it's our quiz where we guess what's wrong with the caller on the line. And today it's Sarah in Didcot. Hello Sarah. 	
SARAH	Hello Mat, how are you? 	
MAT	Good thanks. How are you more to the point?	
SARAH	Well I could be worse, could be better.	
LIZ	Really? Hm so so, so. You know we're trying to make notes find out what's wrong with you. What do you do there in Didcot? 	
SARAH	Well normally I work for a local council. 	
LIZ	Okay. 	
SARAH	But by trade, you'll like this, I'm an occupational therapist. 	
MAT	Hey! Hold on, hold on! [Siren noise] 	
LIZ	Is that what's wrong with you? 	
MAT	Oh that was a little acerbic, Liz. 	
SARAH	Well who can say. 	
LIZ	Oh man! I was just saying I had a spot visit from one this morning. 	
SARAH	I'm sorry. 	
LIZ	It's fine, actually she was lovely, so I'm sure you are too. So a disabled OT how fantastic.	
MAT	That's a rarity isn't it? 	
SARAH	Isn't it just? I'm out there defeating the three evils - modern age, The NHS, social services, the Department of Work and Pensions... 	
MAT	Obviously just your opinion there. 	
SARAH	Of course. All opinions are my own. 	
LIZ	Of course.	
MAT	Super I'm glad you understand. Right then I think we should lock and load and get onto it don't you? 	
LIZ	Are you going to do the rules, Mat?	
MAT	I'm going to do the rules. 	
LIZ	Go for it. 	
MAT	Here we go. Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable is a clever disability interpretation of the parlour game Animal, Vegetable or Mineral. In the game the two hosts of the Ouch Talk Show have 90 seconds to guess what is wrong with the disabled caller on the line by asking a series of fiendishly intelligent questions. The caller must answer only ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It is both classic and therapeutic.	
LIZ	To take part in this intrusive and unpleasant game the rules clearly state you have to be disabled. Sarah, are you disabled?	
SARAH	Oh yes.	
LIZ	Oh yes. Then your 90 seconds are on the clock. Your time starts NOW!	
MAT	Have you got Spasticus Autisticus? 	
SARAH	No. 	
LIZ	Do you ever wee in the pool?	
SARAH	No. 	
MAT	Do you have thumbs?	
SARAH	I do. 	
LIZ	Have you always been disabled? 	
SARAH	No. 	
LIZ	Ah. Do you use a wheelchair?	
SARAH	Yes. 	
MAT	Um... 	
LIZ	Do you take tablets for what you've got? 	
SARAH	Lots. 	
LIZ	Lots. Would I know that you're disabled by looking at you? 	
SARAH	Apart from the wheelchair probably not. 	
LIZ	Okay, so when you come into give me an assessment I wouldn't know you were one of us? 	
SARAH	Maybe not if I sat very still and all that.	
LIZ	Okay. 	
MAT	Oh golly this is a tough one. 	
LIZ	Is it a brain thing?	
SARAH	It might be. 	
MAT	Are you a brainiac? 	
LIZ	Is it a neurological thing? 	
SARAH	It is. 	
MAT	Oh golly. Gosh. 	
LIZ	A neurological... is it like Parkinson's?	
SARAH	No. 	
LIZ	I don't know anything else. 	
MAT	I don't know much of them. 	
LIZ	Neurological. MS?	
SARAH	That's not what it is today.	
MAT	Oh she's a multiple.	
liz	Oh man she's one of them.	
MAT	Oh she's a multiple, she's a multiple not just sclerosis but impairment.	
LIZ	Wow!	
MAT	Have you got Muscular Dystrophy? 	
SARAH	No. 	
LIZ	She could have that as well.	
MAT	Are you schizophrenic, sorry Bipolar?	
SARAH	No neither. 	
LIZ	Dyslexia?	
SARAH	I've got that, that's not the main thing. 	
MAT	Dyspraxia?	
LIZ	Man alive!	
MAT	Dyspraxia?	
LIZ	If we took a blood test would we know... ah!	
SARAH	No. 	
MAT	Have we failed again? I have to apologise, I think that's the worst we've ever done, Liz. 	
LIZ	Yeah but we did it's not... we know that she's got Dyslexia and MS I mean that's not bad. It's just that if there the lesser known... Okay, Sarah, tell us put us out of our misery, what's wrong with you? 	
SARAH	You'll like this, I did. It's an arteriovenous malformation. 
[Repeating Arteriovenous malformation]	
LIZ	What is it, tell us what it is or it won't shut up. 	
MAT	Can you stop that awful noise please?	
SARAH	Okay. 	
MAT	Please, let the woman speak.	
SARAH	In part of my brain I have some arteries that flow directly into veins with no capillaries and it's like a big old ball of blood vessels, not doing me any good, I could have bleeds, strokes you know that kind of thing and it's given me lovely epilepsy. So I have seizures and things now. And the most recent two that I had I smashed my arm up and ended up in hospital. 	
MAT	Why? What, what, what? How did you smash your arm up? 	
SARAH	It was the second of two seizures and I woke up and thought, "This arm doesn't work properly" and I have a lovely metal plate now in my humerus, the long bone. 	
LIZ	So if we'd have said, "Have you got a limb with a metal plate" that would have been another yes that you've got?	
SARAH	It's so, so fun because now if I don't take the wheelchair with me, say it's a short distance, and I'm sneaking into a shop the alarms will go off anyway. 	
MAT	Has the bizarre situation ever happened where this is the case - that you go into a seizure while you're giving somebody OT... 	
SARAH	No I... 	
MAT	... and they end up having to help you? 	
SARAH	No that hasn't happened yet but there's always time. 	
MAT	We're in a rather unusual position, we have time to fill. 	
LIZ	Why?	
MAT	We just do, Liz, okay. Tell us more about other things that are wrong with you, Sarah?	
SARAH	Well obviously I fall over a lot and I've got all the usual stuff like that and problems with sensation and movement and things like that and spasticity and that kind of thing. And I have asthma too. 	
MAT	Wow! 	
LIZ	MS as well, Dyslexia?	
MAT	And do you have drugs for all these things? 	
SARAH	Yes that sort of thing I'm on loads and loads of drugs it's so funny, I used to like help people with making sure they took everything at the right time and having reminders and things, and now I'm just the worst.	
MAT	In fact isn't it time for one of your pills now?	
liz	Please.	
SARAH	It probably will be after this. 	
LIZ	Do you find that being a disabled person and being an OT is it really helpful to be an OT? Have you got a greater understanding?	
SARAH	I've always found that I learnt from working with people but I've learnt so much more now than I knew then. But I've had lots of really good opportunities over the last few years so it's not horrible, it's really cool that I've met some fantastic people and I've learnt lots of stuff. 	
MAT	Um, what are your favourite crisps?	
SARAH	What do I like? Walkers. 	
LIZ	On the irony. 	
MAT	Yes those are the ones that disabled people don't usually like aren't they? 	
LIZ	We boycott them don't we, I think you'll find. Favourite colour anyway Sarah?	
SARAH	Green.	
LIZ	Are you particularly do you like green because you have MS do you think?	
SARAH	No I have green eyes and things to tend to like go, you know, I wear green to go with and I had a green car as well. 	
LIZ	What's your favourite Christmas song, Sarah?	
SARAH	Oh my goodness. 	
MAT	Do you like George Clooney? 	
SARAH 	Do I like George Clooney - who doesn't? Christmas song it's probably First Noel because they used it on Box of Delights didn't they?	
MAT	Great, we're done for time, that's super. 	
LIZ	Right, yeh! 	
SARAH	Cool. 	
MAT	Phew! Thanks for helping us out there, Sarah. 	
LIZ	That's great. 	
MAT	Thanks for having so many disabilities. Wow value for money or what? Not that any money has changed hands.	
LIZ	No. 	
SARAH	Of course not. 	
MAT	And this in no way was a competition and so therefore if we do end up giving you anything it'll be a free gift and nothing to do with the winnings or any sort of competitive thing. 	
SARAH	Because I'd only have to declare it. 	
LIZ	Yes you would. 	
MAT	Wow, well thank you...	
LIZ	Thank you. 	
MAT	... disabled of Didcot. 	
LIZ	Sarah, thanks so much, thank you. 	
SARAH	Thanks. Lovely talking to you. 	
MAT	You too. Phew! Well if you want to be the next contestant on Vegetable, Vegetable or Vegetable please email us now ouch@bbc.co.uk and put 'I am who I am and there ain't no one going to say different' in the subject line. You may get an Ouch travel mug if you're any good but it's entirely down to us and certainly not what they call 'a prize' - good God no! 	
LIZ	That's it for another show. The production team were Damon Rose, Dan Slipper and Emma Tracey. Michael Bacon was the studio manager. We're back in two weeks in a show featuring blind secret millionaire businesswoman, Liz Jackson, and music from the Wasted Day Collection. Until then... 	
LIZ and MAT	Goodbye!
[Jingle: Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch Talk Talk Show 
Ouch, Ouch. 
It's got Mat, it's got Liz it's got a vegetable quiz 
To you and to me it's just a disability 
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Talk Talk Show 
Ouch, Ouch 
And the team once a month they get the best of the bunch there's chat and there's news, listen in to fight the blues. 
Stand up or sit down for the Talk Talk Show
Ouch, Ouch Talk Show]